Understanding Engineers

mmm4444bot

mmm4444bot

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Two engineers were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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What is the difference between a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer?

Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
 
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing golf. The group ahead of them is very slow, and the trio find themselves standing around much too long.

"I'm getting a little hot under the collar", says the priest.

"Worst game of golf I've ever played", says the doctor.

"Here comes the groundskeeper", says the engineer. "I'm going to find out what's going on!"

The groundskeeper explains that the slow golfers are a group of firefighters that were blinded while saving the Club House from burning to the ground last year. "We let them play for free whenever they like", says the groundskeeper.

The priest exclaims, "I'm going to start a major fundraiser to support them!"

"I'm going to network with my fellows, to see if anything can be done for them!", adds the doctor.

The engineer says, "Why can't they play at night?"
 

. . \(\displaystyle \begin{array}{c} \text{The optimist says:} \\ \text{The glass is half full.} \\ \\ \text{The pessimist says:} & \text{The glass ia half empty.} \\ \\ \text{The engineer says:} & \text{Reduce the glass by one-half.} \\ \end{array}\)

 
\(\displaystyle I \ like \ President \ Hoover's \ quote \ (one \ of \ many), \ also \ he \ was \ I \ think \ a \ civil \ engineer.\)

\(\displaystyle His \ quote: \ "Why \ if \ you \ haven't \ made \ a \ million \ dollars \ by \ the \ time \ you \ are \ thirty, \ why\)

\(\displaystyle you \ haven't \ worked."\)

\(\displaystyle Note: \ In \ the \ thirties \ a \ million \ dollars \ is \ like \ a \ billion \ today.\)
 
The Board of Trustees of a nearby University, decides to test the Professors, to see if they really know their stuff. First they take a Math Professor and put him in a room. Now, the room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of softballs. They tell him to do whatever he want with the balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, he comes out and the Trustees look in and the balls are arranged in a triangle at the center of the table. Next, they give the same test to a Physics Professor. After an hour, they look in, and the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, they give the test to an Engineering Professor. After an hour, they look in and one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.
 
Breaks my heart to post this - but this is a funny one....

A mathematician, a statistician and an engineer are given the proposition that "all odd numbers over 2 are prime".

The mathematician says, "3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime, 9 is not a prime. The proposition is false."

The statistician says, "3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime, 9 - eh, statistical error."

The engineer says, "3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime, 9's a prime, 11's a prime, ..."
 
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