Please enlighten us! (splitting the bills related to a wedding)

[Joao]

Hi, we need your help with this calculation please!

One of the chunks to pay to the hotel organising our wedding was 4281.10. Now this amount was initially paid by my mother-in-law, but me and my wife want to pay her back, so when my wife was going to transfer the 4281.10 back to my mother-in-law, her mom said that she would pay my wife 1700.50 for the wedding dress so my wife sent to her mother's bank account 2580.60. I then transfered to my other half's bank account 2140.55 (half of the 4281.10).

Now it's important to mention that my wife paid her mom back (2580.60) using money from her bank account and that's why I sent my half of the share (4281.10) to my wife's account.

Now this doesn't feel right because only 2580.60 have arrived my mother-in-law bank account (money sent from my wife's bank account) and because I paid my wife 2140.55 it's like my wife only paid 440.05.

I hope all this made sense so that someone could help us out!

Thanks

 

[Deleted member 4993]

Hi, we need your help with this calculation please!

One of the chunks to pay to the hotel organising our wedding was 4281.10. Now this amount was initially paid by my mother-in-law, but me and my wife want to pay her back, so when my wife was going to transfer the 4281.10 back to my mother-in-law, her mom said that she would pay my wife 1700.50 for the wedding dress so my wife sent to her mother's bank account 2580.60. I then transfered to my other half's bank account 2140.55 (half of the 4281.10).

Now it's important to mention that my wife paid her mom back (2580.60) using money from her bank account and that's why I sent my half of the share (4281.10) to my wife's account.

Now this doesn't feel right because only 2580.60 have arrived my mother-in-law bank account (money sent from my wife's bank account) and because I paid my wife 2140.55 it's like my wife only paid 440.05.

I hope all this made sense so that someone could help us out!

Thanks

Since your wife is getting the wedding dress - you should get (1700.50/2 =) $850.25 from your wife - and you will be .... well not so fine .....

 

[stapel]

One of the chunks to pay to the hotel organising our wedding was 4281.10. Now this amount was initially paid by my mother-in-law, but me and my wife want to pay her back, so when my wife was going to transfer the 4281.10 back to my mother-in-law, her mom said that she would pay my wife 1700.50 for the wedding dress so my wife sent to her mother's bank account 2580.60. I then transfered to my other half's bank account 2140.55 (half of the 4281.10).

Now it's important to mention that my wife paid her mom back (2580.60) using money from her bank account and that's why I sent my half of the share (4281.10) to my wife's account.

Now this doesn't feel right because only 2580.60 have arrived my mother-in-law bank account (money sent from my wife's bank account) and because I paid my wife 2140.55 it's like my wife only paid 440.05.

The instructions for the original homework exercise should have laid out the rules specifically. What was that information? (Or, if this is a "real life" question, then we probably can't help much. We can only do math according to rules, and it sounds like there was no "meeting of the minds" in setting up those rules. Hint: Be clear, up front, with expectations!)

 

[JeffM]

Hi, we need your help with this calculation please!

One of the chunks to pay to the hotel organising our wedding was 4281.10. Now this amount was initially paid by my mother-in-law, but me and my wife want to pay her back, so when my wife was going to transfer the 4281.10 back to my mother-in-law, her mom said that she would pay my wife 1700.50 for the wedding dress so my wife sent to her mother's bank account 2580.60. I then transfered to my other half's bank account 2140.55 (half of the 4281.10).

Now it's important to mention that my wife paid her mom back (2580.60) using money from her bank account and that's why I sent my half of the share (4281.10) to my wife's account.

Now this doesn't feel right because only 2580.60 have arrived my mother-in-law bank account (money sent from my wife's bank account) and because I paid my wife 2140.55 it's like my wife only paid 440.05.

I hope all this made sense so that someone could help us out!

Thanks

Stapel as usual was right that if this is a problem in real life, mathematics cannot say what is emotionally or morally right. Mathematics is a tool to ensure that the rules are applied accurately, not a tool to ensure that the rules are fair.

I have been married a long time (just over 50 years), and disagreements about money are unavoidable but can be very disruptive.

Let's look at this from your mother-in-laws perspective. She was told by the TWO of you that she would be paid back the 4281.10. She also said that she would pay the cost of 1700.50 for the wedding dress. Thus, she was expecting to get at the end the difference, namely 2580.60. And that's exactly what she got.

So the question comes down to how much you and your wife paid. You effectively paid 2140.55 toward the hotel bill, which seems to be what you agreed to. Your wife effectively also paid 2140.55 toward the hotel bill, which seems to be what she agreed to. But then she received 1700.50 for the dress as her mother had promised. So you are correct: the result is that these transactions leave you with 2140.55 less in your bank account and your wife with 440.05 less in her bank account.

Your arithmetic is perfect, but clearly you are not sure the result is fair. I think part of your feeling comes from having two different transactions among three different people squished together and making your wife the banker. You and your wife will have to determine what is fair in this case and whether in the future you will pool your funds or keep them separate.

This is not an ethics site, but if I were asked to make an ethical judgment, I'd ask first how much you contributed to the cost of the wedding dress. If you paid half that 1700.50 to begin with, then your mother-in-law would have been wise to give half to you. (It's always safe to blame your mother-in-law.) If you did not contribute anything to the wedding dress, my feeling as a husband is that you paid your mother-in-law what you promised and should look on the 1700 to your wife as a gift to her from her mother. Your mother-in-law is always going to favor your wife so get used to it.

EDIT: Upon reflection, I realized that I was too hasty. Your mother-in-law will favor her daughter until there are grandchildren: then both you and your wife will be wrong.