Joke

[ti-tur lalonde]

I get no respect! A beautiful girl called me the other evening and told me "come over there's nobody home"
I went over, there was nobody home!

 

[Denis]

Sounds like a Henny Youngman joke; I like this one of his:
"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."

 

[ti-tur lalonde]

How about:
Wife: For our anniversary I'd like to go where I have never been before.
Husband: Try the kitchen!

 

[galactus]

That first one is classic Dangerfield.

 

[soroban]

Some Rodney Dangerfield lines . . .


Even as a kid, I didn't get no respect.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

The bartender said, "What'll you have?"
I said, "Surprise me."
So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

My wife met me at the door in a sheer negligee.
The only trouble was: she was coming home.

My wife likes to talk to me while having sex.
So she phones me from the motel.

My wife likes to have sex in the back seat.
But she wants me to drive.

I remember the first time I had sex.
Boy, was I scared.
I was alone at the time . . .

 

[Denis]

Denis: "Soroban, got any naked pictures of your wife?"

Soroban: "Hmm...no..."

Denis: "Wanna buy some?"

 

[soroban]

Denis: "What's wrong, Soroban?"
Soroban: "I'm feeling depressed."
Denis: "When I get depressed, I make love to my wife. Snaps me right out it."
Soroban: "That's a great idea, Denis. Thanks!"

A few hours later . . .
Denis: "You're looking much happier, Soroban."
Soroban: "I took your advce and I feel great!"
Denis: "I'm glad it helped."
Soroban: "It sure did . . . and you have a lovely house."

 

[ti-tur lalonde]

That was a good joke to Denis. Here is one:

There is a funeral coming down main street. There are two hearses one behind the other, then a man with a
big dog, then a lineup of 100 men one behind the other.
A bystander wanted to know who had died. The man with the dog said that in one hearse was his wife and in
the second hearse was his mother-in-law. How did they die? The man said that his dog killed them.
The bystander wants to know how much he wants for his dog.
The man replied "get in line"!!!

 

[Denis]

Soroban: "It sure did . . . and you have a lovely house."

Thanks. My maid told me she entertained you. Poor woman: currently being treated for herpes.

 

[ti-tur lalonde]

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

 

[ti-tur lalonde]

Can someone finish this joke for me?

I am bald. As a joke a friend of mine gave me a comb
for my birthday.
I told him," thank you very much, -'-- -e-e- ---- ---- --".

Thanks.

 

[soroban]

Hello, ti-tur lalonde!

Can someone finish this joke for me?

I am bald.
As a joke a friend of mine gave me a comb for my birthday.
I told him," thank you very much, "-'-- -e-e- ---- ---- --."

"I'll never part with it."

 

[ti-tur lalonde]

Thanks soroban.