For Stapel.....with love.

[masters]

For those of us who want to encourage posters who do not define their arguments very well, I give you this.

When posting on this forum, please try to use good grammar. It's important to be articulate, but it's equally important to use good grammar and sentence structure. Today, there is more need than ever for all of us to read better, write better, and communicate better. How well do you remember your grammar rules? Allow me to illustrate.

1. Each pronoun must agree with their antecedent.

2. Just remember, between you and I, case is very important.

3. Verbs has to agree with their subjects, and be sure not to use no double negatives.

4. How many times have you saw the wrong verb form used?

5. A poster must be careful to not shift your point of view.

6. Know when to use the words "them" and "those". Them two words are important.

7. About sentence fragments.

8. In letters variables constants and stuff like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.

9. Do not use commas, that aren't necessary.

10. It is important to use apostrophe's correctly and never abbrev.

11. Proof read your post to see if you any words out.

12. Watch out for mispelled words.

13. In my opinion I think a poster when he is writing should most definitely refrain from inserting many numerous redundant and repetitive descriptive words to describe things over and over again.

14. Finally, never use a preposition to end your post with.

 

[Denis]

Real cute, masters. A little thing I wrote a few years ago:

TO : All Staff less us (You)
FROM : Your Management (Us)
TOPIC: Non-External And External Communications.
================================================
Please conjugate immediately all communications topicified above using
accurate and ablative absolutes and not to be arcane or abradant lest you
be abrogated please be abstemious in your employment of abstruse combination
of characters striving to leave these cannily aerolated and abecedated to
further alleviate addlepatedness to ultimately acuminate and apiculate prior
to plus as well as preceding final initiation and initial finalization.

Therefore, all internal communication must:
1) Use simple everyday words.
2) Be properly punctuated.
3) Use short sentences.
4) Be clear and brief.

Relying on past, present and future experience, your Management approved
the following instructions, to be retroactively implemented no sooner
than today:
1) To achieve brevity and reduce stationery costs, all written and oral
communication will be limited to one (1) page.
2) To prevent possible confusion or lack of it, all pages will be carefully
numbered and your message must terminate on the last page.
3) To eliminate referencing, all addendums must form part of the original
and of all photocopies of the original.
4) All communication, if not typewritten, will be prepared using blue ink
pens even if handwritten.
5) If wordprocessed, please re-read the above instruction, substituting
"wordprocessed" for "typewritten".
6) For clarity and kindness to all including the recipient, communication
where the recipient has to read between the lines will be double-spaced.
7) Communication ready for delivery will be picked up twice daily, at
exactly 10.00AM and 2.00PM, no matter what time it is.
8) For professionalism, all communication by telephone will be initiated
with "have I reached the party to whom I am speaking?".
9) If the answer to the above is negative, then please apologize with
proper dignity.

We also conducted an exhaustive study of the "attachments" area and we
decided that attachments will no longer be permitted. And now, for smooth
introduction and also to maintain clarity, please follow these underhanded
instructions:
1) Where an attachment is not necessary, please specify such at bottom with
the note "no need to refer to attached".
2) Where an attachment would normally be expected, please insert a staple
in the top left corner, as a reminder that an attachment is not attached.
3) Also, please ensure that the usual note "please refer to attached" is
included, as further reminder that an attachment is not attached.
4) For further clarification, please add a new note: "please disregard
if a staple appears in the top left corner of this document".

Much to our surprise, we came across unpublished statistics indicating
that we, Managers, are on the average of superior intelligence. Therefore,
the above new instructions and guidelines are, to us, quite clear and easy
to understand. For the less fortunates, should you have any questions,
please do not hesitate to contact the other Manager.

Your Management.
"We are paid to think"

Notes: 1) No need to refer to attached.
2) This note appears on the last page.

 

[tkhunny]

Masters, you left of one of my favorites:

15. Parenthetical insertions, no matter how relevant, should be avoided.