A Sherlock Holmes Math Joke Contemporized

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Somebody in a hot air balloon suspects that they might be lost. They spot a man on the ground below, and shout, "Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.”

The man consults his GPS and replies, “You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation at 2,346 feet above mean sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

The balloonist rolls their eyes and says, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replies the man. “But, how did you know?”

“Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything that you told me is the truth, but I have no idea what to do with the information, and I'm still completely lost. Frankly, you're no help at all.”

The man smiles and responds, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replies the balloonist. “But, how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to little more than hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position that you were in before we met, but, somehow, it's now my fault.
 

An oldie, but maybe you haven't heard it . . .


Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good supper and some fine wine, they lay down for the night.

A few hours later, Holmes nudged his friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars," said Watson.

"And what does that tell you?" Holmes asked.

After some thought, Waston replied,
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and possibly billions of planets and it is likely that we are not alone.
Horologically, the time is approximately one-thirty.
Astrologically, Saturn is in the house of Leo.
Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful
to have created all this wonder.
Meteorlogically, I expect tomorrow to be a beautiful day.
What does it tell you, Hlomes?"

"It tells me, Watson, that someone has stolen our tent!"

 
And a punny Holmes story.....

One day, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business, when they uncovered an unusual painting.

At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if one looked closer, one could see that it was a remarkable painting. The tree trunk was actually made of fire, and its branches were made of ice, clouds and earth.

"What is it, Holmes?" asked Watson in awe.

"It's an Element tree, my dear Watson," replied Holmes.

 
Have you gut a rum?

Do you mean a room?

Dat's wat I said, a rum ...
 
A man registering at a hotel espies a dog reclining on the stairs. As he takes his key to room 2-A, he inquires of the hotel clerk, "Does your dog bite?" "No", replies the hotel clerk. The man then attempts to pet the dog and is severely mauled. "I thought you said you dog didn't bite" gasped the astonish registrar. "Not my dog" answered the hotel clerk.
 
Sherlock Holmes has graduated to Inspector Jacques Clouseau .....
 
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