A Senior Might Say...

  • Thread starter Deleted member 4993
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Deleted member 4993

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  • As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

  • I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

  • Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

  • My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.

  • It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

  • I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

  • As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

  • Me, “I can’t see you anymore ... I’m not going to let you hurt me again.” My Trainer: “It was one sit-up.”

  • As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

  • I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.*

  • If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

  • Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

  • I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

  • God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round ... and laughed and laughed and laughed.

  • I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

  • My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

  • Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
    Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.
    She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
    Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you’re still a dumbass.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest
 
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